I WAS GOING to MY LOCAL TESCO EXPRESS TO GET SOME MUNCH AND WHEN I WAS PAYING FOR MY ITEMS THE LADY SERVING?

me said to me all this junk food is going to make you fat and I said as long as I don't get as fat as you, so she slapped me, so I poked her in the eye and she ran as fast as she could on her tubby little legs to the milk section and grabbed 4 pints of milk and poured it all over me in front of everyone, so I gave her a nipple wrench and tried to run out of the store but she grabbed my leg and pulled me back and sat on me, so I shouted to this very kind man by the bread section "oi mate throw me a french stick" and he threw me a french stick which was rock solid so I smacked her round the head with it and she fell like a rock onto the floor and I think she is still lying there, will the tesco mafia be after me? and can she sue me?